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Psychotherapists use a combination of scientifically confirmable
data, philosophical observations about human nature and very real and
painstakingly acquired therapeutic skills to understand their patients. They are
not primarily interested in changing specific behaviours and not at all
interested in moulding their patients to some preconceived idea of 'normal'.
Rather, practising psychotherapy can be likened, as the British psychotherapist
Paul Williams put it, to restoring a painting:
Patient and therapist attempt together to lift the grime and
wear of the years without damaging the original underneath. Where damage
appears, repair is carefully undertaken in accordance with, as far as possible,
the intentions of the creator, the self of the patient. The process is a
science and an art. Such a process is about discovering, experiencing and
assimilating what is authentic and emotionally true in the patient's self.
Sometimes people are nervous about going to see a
psychotherapist because they feel they will betray aspects of themselves that
feel deeply private. They feel that therapists, like witch doctors perhaps, will
look into their souls or make impertinent trespassing sorties into their private
thoughts or desires. And yes, it is sometimes frightening to get to know
yourself, to confront your demons. But the relationship allows this to take
place in an atmosphere of developing trust, an atmosphere in which difficult,
painful experiences can be safely explored and understood. It is in such
situations of closeness and dependency that people have a chance to grow.
One familiar argument against going to talk to a psychotherapist
is that it would be 'self indulgent': 'How could I spend so much time talking
about myself?' But in fact it could be argued that nothing is more self
indulgent than allowing one's uncontrollable patterns of behaviour to make life
difficult for one's family and friends. The perennially dissatisfied wife; The
workaholic husband; The boyfriend who is an incipient alcoholic; all place
intolerable burdens on people who care about them. In such circumstances, to
take responsibility for one's own life, for one's own problems, however
difficult and even painful it might be, is a grown-up, unselfish thing to do.
Priscilla Roth.
(The author is a Training Analyst in the British Psycho-Analytical Society. This
is a shortened extract from an article published in the Daily Telegraph on
Saturday, May 15th, 1999. A copy of the full article is available, free of
charge, from APEL.)
My daughter asked me: "Why did I go into therapy?"
Ms A, therapy patient, writes:
"I explained slowly and carefully, not wanting to scare her. I
was feeling very sad and horrible. I had had short depressions throughout my
life but they never scared me that much. I had just taken them to be part of my
personality. When I was around 22 they became longer lasting of up to 2 weeks. I
was greatly helped by a homeopath and by developing an exercise programme. Then
at 32, one year after my daughter was born, I had a frightening depression that
lasted a year and a half. I was in a thick fog of negativity, emotional pain and
self-loathing. But I knew all these thoughts of failure and death could not be
true. I moved to a new town to start over and to get some therapy. There was a
constant, unbearable pressure in my chest and throat threatening to explode out
of me with hysterical screaming.
"In the therapy I learned about the history of my depressions,
the pattern, what triggers them and what generally stops them. I started to
develop a more realistic view of my life and expectations of myself. I really
needed to have one person who could devote one hour to just my problems, and
for me to be allowed to moan until I was sick of it and ready to look at
solutions. I learned that my depression would continue to be a part of my life
but I can detect the warning signs quicker and get treatment, if I need it,
before the feelings become devastating."
APEL: c/o 36 Richmond Road, Leytonstone, London E11
4BU
Tel: 020 8556 5089
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